Game Time

I'm competitive. Sure, sure, when you invite us over we will smile and
play an innocent game of spades and eat snacks and make small talk.  You might even think I'm not really into the game. But know, on the inside, all I am thinking about is winning. Whipping you, in fact.

So today, at Chamblee's Christmas party, the kids played musical chairs. I stood in the back, setting up the snacks, and watched out of the corner of my eye as she made it through round after round. Smirk.

That's my girl.

It came down to the last two and then. she lost. To be fair, the little punk was walking so close to the chair he might as well have already been sitting in it. But, you know, who noticed...

My heart sank a little. Oh. She's going to be so disappointed. I would have to rush over and comfort her in her loss. Poor, sweet girl.

And then, it happened. She was the first one to clap for the boy who won. Her face was so full of joy for him and she was happy to have been able to play the game at all.
She did. not. care.

I learned from my three year old today.

So. Here I sit. Breastfeeding upstairs as my in laws prepare to have a holiday game night. They're clueless. It's about to go down.

Will I congratulate them if ((huge if)) they beat me?

Verdict's out...

Until Next Time,
The Guff

So What Wednesday Returns

So What If

I kind of don't believe Science. I just read some science article about how there are more stars in the sky than there are grains of sand in the world. I mean, who counted.

I could never have been a pole vaulter. Is that what those people are called? The ones who jump over a pole? No. A high jumper. I could never be one of those. Today, I couldn't clear the baby gate to save my life.

I went rogue on the lady who gave Jake his first haircut. She butchered his hair. in three scissor swipes. And charged me $18. Insanity.

Our babies have progressively snaked their way closer into our bed at night. Chamblee slept in the pac-n-play as a baby at the foot of our bed, Jake slept in his car seat by the bed forever and Josephine is a solid chest sleeper. *fist bump* It's like they told her we were suckers. 

I'm awesome at forgetting who to send Christmas cards to. Oh, you didn't get one? Tell me. I have extras. But only two. So not all at once.

We didn't buy a Christmas tree this year. ISAIDSOWHAT. Don't get me started. We just didn't. We do have a little fake one, so our kids haven't been completely neglected. Just a little. 

Cham peed in the bathroom sink today.  L  o  n  g  story.

I threw up yesterday when I changed Jake's diaper. Seriously.

I'm scared of the dark. Legit. Terrified.

I don't think I ever want to wear a heeled shoe again. ever. in my life.
Maybe a wedge. But definitely not. a heel.

So what if I am a rusty blogger. I'm digging myself out of the trenches.
Holiday travel should be the ticket back to some good. stuff.

Until Next Time,
The Guff

Um. Why Not?

Jake had a pretty tough week.

He got a green marker stuck in his ear.
No, he didn't just color his ear with green marker. He got a green marker. stuck. in his ear.

I got it out. 

Then he colored his face and stuck the marker up his nose. 

Then craft time was over. 

Those baby blues kill me. 

I die on the inside knowing that those little baby blues won't always be on a little baby boy face. 

He is going to grow up, and I am going to weep over it. 

Some girl is gonna love those baby blues one day and then I will die even more. 

But he will always love me the most. 

Yes, it's true. 

Don't tell me otherwise. 

He also had a rough go at Target. 

Sure, he wanted so badly to help me push Josephine around while we got wrapping paper and loaf pans for the pounds of banana bread I've been making.  

But he also wanted so badly for me to buy him a Hello Kitty hair dryer that he just couldn't walk anymore. 

In other news: Jake will not be getting a Hello Kitty hair dryer for Christmas. 

It's really hard to get a good picture of mascara in a little boy's blonde hair. 

It barely looks like he stole my mascara and ran with it. 

I saw the wand waving 'bye bye' as he ran ferociously down the hallway waving it in the air. 

By the time I got to him he had given himself quite the low lights. 

I straightened Chamblee's hair >just for fun< 

and it was four feet longer and she suddenly turned 15.

I don't know where the days are going, and the years are quite honestly breaking my heart. 

They are flying by. They are stealing my babies. Every day they get a little bigger, a little smarter and a little harder to let go of. I can't stop hugging them and kissing them and telling them how much I love them. What if they forget? "Mom, you JUST told me. I know!!!" Says the oldest. 

Speaking of time whisking away my littles... 

This one still has the baby smell, the nuzzle naps and the tiny toes.

But she's huge. What. is HAPPENING. 

Something good. Something real, real good is happening over here. 

Love is happening, play is happening, family is happening and there is an awful lot of dancing. 

I can't help but die a little every time we go to Target as a family. 

We take up the whole elevator. I love it so much. 

A lady stopped me in the aisle the other day and said, "These cannot possibly all be yours." 

Um, why not? 

I said, "You're right. They're my husband's too." 

And she kind of looked at me like I was slow and walked away. 

Maybe it was my tone. 

Anyway.

The Christmas countdown is on. Chamblee is acting out the Christmas story in her school play this Thursday - if anyone wants to come and watch the best acting you have ever. seen. you just let me know. 

Until Next Time, 

The Guff

Being Better

Oh my word.

Everywhere I go people ask me when I am going to write another blog. I sometimes want to answer, "When I get a nanny" or "When I get paid to". But I don't. I'm trying people. Really hard.

I have drafts on my phone and thoughts in my head. And I honestly didn't realize that so many people read this thing. But it's hard to blog with three kids, y'all.

Three kids is awesome. It's awesome in the absolute most awesome way. Can I say that?
Ever since sweet J bird arrived I have kind of put everything on hold. I've been on the floor rolling around with the bigs and taking in the snuggles and baby sighs of the littlest one. What if she is my last birthed baby? I can't even. Let's not talk about it.

So. Today. The answer is today.
I'm writing a blog. Here goes. I'm ready.

That's right, I'm wearing Uggs. 

Haters gon' hate.

Last week was Thanksgiving. The week leading up to it was rough. Chamblee had a terrible cough and gave it to Jake and they weren't sleeping at night. Sunday C woke up saying her ear hurt, so I took her in. Double ear infection & sinus infection. Yikes. Josephine is a baby. So she was cluster feeding or growth spurting or, you know, just being a sweet baby. Not sleeping.

It was my turn for the night shift and I was up from around 11 to 6. Twenty minute naps here and there. You know how it goes. I'm ok with it. Remember? Last birthed baby? Don't even... So around 3 I'm walking her and singing and talking in funny voices to her. Because, well, that's what you do when you haven't slept in days and you're keeping on the sunny side. No? You don't do that? Lies. I hear water. Like, shower water. No. Dishwasher running. Yes. That's what it was. And I keep on keepin' on. Around 5 I hear it again. Not the dishwasher. Washing machine! Yes. That must be it. I have been doing so much laundry.

Can I just point out that I'm slow? Why would the washing machine be running if I hadn't started it. Honestly.

So I give up on getting her to sleep around 5:30 and go upstairs to wake K up and pass the baton. Jake is in our bed. That means one thing and one thing only. I can't wake K up. He hasn't slept all night either. See also: Jake is a monster bed hog blanket hoarder ninja kicker right to the face master of flipping and reversing and laughing and chatterbox while snoring and coughing and snotting and eye poking dinosaur. That's right. No commas.

Ugh.

I go back downstairs. Water. WHAT THE.
I go to check on my ever self-loading laundry and then I hear it. Gushing. Garage.

I open the door and it's like the lazy river at White Water. Remember that? Our stuff. is floating.
Water is pouring out of the water heater like whoa.

I calmly go up the stairs {because jbird has since fallen asleep, naturally} and enter our room. "MAMA!!!" Oh, hey jake, you ninja sleeper, you. Tap K on the shoulder and whisper, "The water heater is busted and it's flooding the garage." And walk out of the room.

K is up on his feet and down the stairs. Home Depot opens at 6. He goes.

I lay on the couch and sleep with my tiny girl until I wake up around 8 with Cham sitting in the bend of my knees and Jake sitting between my back and the couch. How did this happen and where is the paparrazzi? I want a picture. There's no one to take it, so I sit very still and take it myself. A mental picture. All three of my babies snuggled up with me, all on their own. I'll never forget it. There's a cartoon on, believe it or believe it. Chamblee now knows how to turn on Hulu and pick out Kung Fu Panda. Or buy a movie. Whatev.

We are out of commission. No water for a week. A week! So we go to my parents' house early and hibernate for a week. A week! Steal their water. Eat their food. Toy bomb their house.

We take Josephine to the doctor in Albany because she's not doing so hot and find that she has RSV. #winning. And that was our Thanksgiving. Breathing treatments and antibiotics and ear drops and coughs.

Sure, I'm leaving out all of the good stuff:: the food and the sewing with my mama and the busting out of old yearbooks and the time spent with my grandmothers and laughing so hard with my mom it makes me want to move back home to see her more often ((but not really)).

It was stressful, but it was worth it. Family always is. To me, anyway. 

Today our water heater is fixed and everyone in our household is healthy. I'm the only one who never got the funk. It's a good thing, because someone once told me that moms couldn't afford to get sick- and it's true.

I promise to be a better blogger, all of you who care. I promise. Pinky swear with a kiss.
But first, I'm trying to be a better mama and a better wife. A better Jesus follower and a better friend. A better sister and a better daughter. I'm working on bettering lots of other things... but I promise to try to be a better blogger in the midst.

Eighteen days until Christmas and I'm bursting at the seams. There is so. much. good. going on that I seriously might spontaneously combust. It really is the most wonderful time of the year!

Until Next Time,
The Guff

#sorrynotsorry

I went to wake Jacob up from his nap yesterday and thought he had been straight up kidnapped.

He didn't appear to be in his bed, so I panicked. I yelled his name. 

Oh. Hey there Houdini.

Oh right. He just ripped his sheet (because he's the Hulk) and slid under it for some shut eye. Totally normal. 

He's my most favorite boy. His motto is #sorrynotsorry.

When he's quiet, I know to be prepared. It means I am either about to laugh: a lot or cry: a little. 

Yeah, that's my lipstick.

#sorrynotsorry

Yeah that's my purse. 

#sorrynotsorry

Yeah, that's my computer. 

#sorrynotsorry

Yeah, that's him growing up. 

#sorrynotsorry

You guys, he's wearing his own back pack for school. He's throwing his own stuff away in the trash. He's talking like a real kid. He's using a FORK for cryin' out loud. Why must these children defy me and continue to grow? It's an outrage. 

He's takin' selfies.

#sorrynotsorry

I'm going to put a stop to it right. now. Where is that kid? I have two arms ready to newborn snuggle him. #sorrynotsorry

Until Next Time, 

The Guff

Fancy This

I'm not trying to brag, but I did seven loads of laundry today.

It's because I have two messy eatin' toddlers:: a bonafide BOY who likes to get dirty and a mischievous girl who likes the same. Oh. And a newborn who likes to spit up on herself and poop up her back at the same time. Lord knows I am hardly doing any of my own laundry. I wear the same yoga pants and Vnecks everyday. Leftover spit up or not. Kraig is a lucky man. I'm fancy.

ps: you know what yoga pants don't hide well? The white residue from all the white trash I've been eating.

Pounds of it. I'm trying really, really hard to lose this baby weight. 

Except, I'm not. 

I'm not really doing much except livin'. Livin' on the edge. Duh. We are living in our pajamas, eating on paper plates and roller skating in the garage. Um, I hate cold weather. And rainy days. So when the kids want to play outside and it's rainy and freezing-- we put on a light jacket, plug the mini-heater in and head to the garage. It's empty clean and organized. There's plenty of room. We pretend it's summer. We do sidewalk chalk and I pull them in circles in the wagon. If I'm lyin' I'm cryin'. You know why I do that? Because I'm fancy.

duh.

Look at this buggy:

No, seriously. Out of control.

It's like Target knows I have a ton of awesome children. While it is the perfect solution to my shopping... It took me fifteen minutes to load everyone, buckle everyone, secure lovies, go back and get my forgotten purse and actually turn this thing towards the elevator. That's right. We get to ride the elevator up. Fancy. I have been having some serious adventures toting three kids around town. I'm not one to stay home because it might be hard. I like a challenge. I go out and live the tales and learn the lessons. The last lesson ended with Jake thrown over my shoulder, flailing, Chamblee screaming that she was hungry, Jbird blue in the face from crying ((0-60 in less than one minute)) and my dear friend yelling "MOM OF THE YEAR AWARD!" at me as I wept on the inside and headed for the door. Good lesson. 

Three kids is so much fun. I'm not saying it's any more fun than one, two or four; but it. is. fun. And crazy, but I like crazy. 

Look at this crazy dog. Propping his feet up like he's somebody. 

He's fancy like that. 

Until Next Time, 

The Guff

All In

I've had two kids for a while. I can do shopping and groceries and errands with two. It feels like home. So, last week, when I ventured out with the double J's, I didn't think twice. 

I didn't think Jake would show is love for HomeGoods by going nose to the pavement as we were in the parking lot. Did not. want. to leave.
I didn't think Josephine would poop. three times. On the changing mat, on her blanket and her cute "it's my first day in public" outfit after being breast fed on the floor of the van. twice.
I didn't think that Jake would plank out on me and refuse to sit in the buggy at TJMaxx. 
>>And can we talk about their buggies? What is wrong with those people. A car seat doesn't fit. anywhere on or in the buggy. Do they hate children? I can't even handle it.<< I just turned around and walked. the dump. out. I do not. have time for that.
I did have time to try again next door at Marshall's. 
>>Where the buggies are equally insufficient. What. the dump. But Listen. When everyone's dressed and the baby is sleeping and you are already out- you go all in. Even if that means shoving sweet boy in the buggy and carrying the car seat separate. Seriously.<<
I didn't think to win the war Jake would choke on his cereal bar and I'd have to give him the heimlich. again. In the middle of the store. I finally gave in. After his airway was clear we left our too little buggy and walked out of the store. I say "walked". I carried Jake by one arm because he was nose down in the clearance aisle. 

Game over. Headed home. Never again. I kid, I kid. I gave it another go this morning. It was fine. 

Things around here really are awesome. We are doing just fine since miss j bird joined our home. We are loving the three weeks that K has been able to spend with us, and preparing for reality as he heads back to work at the end of the week. Weeping already. In the meantime, we have been gearing up for Halloween! Muahahahahaha...

Until Next Time,
The Guff

7 Pounds, 5 Ounces

It's a girl!

Josephine Willow Guffey was born Friday, October 11 and we are so crazy about her!

She was 7 pounds, 5 ounces and 20 inches long.
Her siblings were so excited to meet her!!!

waiting on sweet Josephine to get here Friday night

We've been getting a lot of: "What are you gonna call her?"
For now, we are calling her Josephine. And the occasional J-Dub.
We love her so much.

I wasn't sure she would ever come.
I was sure she was a he.
I wasn't planning on having a baby that day.
I forgot how incredible childbirth is.
I have the best partner in the world.
She's kind of popular around here.
She's the baby smell and the tiny feet I forgot about.
She's the snuggles and the small sighs that make me wanna have a few more. I just might.
She's the cause of a lot of kisses and giggles around here lately.

We're adjusting.
We're staring.
We're smiling.
We're taking hundreds of snapshots.
We're snuggling.
We're blessed.

Until Next Time,
The Guff

Champagne & Sushi

I'm ((kind of)) having so much fun being past my due date. When people keep asking if I've had the baby yet, I have started sending a picture of a baby. I googled one. Then they freak. out.
Maybe it's not funny, but I mean, it's hilarious.

Also, I love when people in public ask me when I'm due. In the last few days, every time I have had the chance to say "today" or "yesterday" or whenever... People legit. back. away. Like I'm a for real bomb that is going to explode with baby parts.

I'm having fun with it... But I'd have a lot more fun with a real baby. Not a googled one. 
((That kind of looks just like Cham))

The only thing I want after this ((real)) baby gets here? Champagne. Champagne and the best sushi I've ever had. Raw, cold and delicious sushi. Eleven rolls of it. Little much? Ok, ok. Four or five would probably suffice.

Until then it's Cheerios and chicken pot pie. I can't remember. Do cravings evaporate after delivery?

Until Next Time,
The Guff

Sweet Sweet Soft and Tiny

Uhhh. Should I be adding chain links to a count-up now?

I'm past my due date, yet somehow I feel less stress and pressure now that "the day" has come and gone.
Isn't that backwards?

One thing that is annoying is having to go twice a week for check ups. Honestly. 
And wouldn't you know it. Ultrasounds and Stress Tests are only scheduled in the exact middle of nap time. Because that is convenient.

It's because I love a good pattern. A logical rhyme and reason. 
Chamblee was a week early, Jake was right on time-- 
so it's only fitting that this babe is a week late, right?

I'm feeling great. I'm sleeping well.
The kids are excited and we are loving this weather with all we've got. 
Deck days and long walks and picnics.

Downtown Decatur has been calling my name and I think tomorrow is the perfect day to drive back to our old stompin' grounds. I wanna pick up a lovie for this sweet, content child and maybe visit my old neighbor who is bursting at the seams to squeeze our children.

We're SO excited to meet sweet sweet soft and tiny baby guffey.
We're also excited that sweet sweet soft and tiny baby guffey is healthy and happy.

What's the rush, really? 

Until Next Time,
The {still pregnant} Guff

FAIL

My moon phase failed me.
My Braves failed me.
My logic failed me.

Uhhh... Who didn't? My friend Stacy. Who watched four kids so I could go to the game. Well, hello, champion woman. The kids were aged 3, 22 months, 19 months and oh. 8 months.  No, I am not supermom. She is. 
*fist bump*

I thought for sure if we paid for good seats at the game I'd go into labor and ruin everything.

Baby Guffey is still cozy and content. I am too. I'm used to and also kind of enjoy having weekend babies. It's super convenient. Both of our others were born on a Sunday. 3 for 3? I'd be willing to bet on it.

This morning the plan was to make brownies and take them to K's work. Until I realized that we are out of eggs... so we're on our way to Dunkin Donuts and then the high rise. Every time we see a tall building Cham asks if that's where daddy goes to work, and, "When can we go see where daddy goes to work?" So, today is the day. It's Friday, I'm about to have a baby and I kind of want a blueberry donut, anyway. Works out. We're just waiting on C to wake Jake up from his naptime... ... ...

I'm trying to convince my parents to go ahead and come for the weekend... there's a baby on the way and I miss hanging out with my mama. Public invite to sway the vote?

GO BRAVES!

Until Next Time,
The Guff

One Day.

I've been walking all week. Walking like it's my job. The weather is stunning, the kids love to be strolled, and hey. I'm gonna walk this baby right out.

Y'all are gonna think I'm banana cray cray but listen. Both of my older kids were born on the same moon phase, and tomorrow is that moon phase this month. I'm a little skeptical, but anxious, too. I've guessed October 3rd since the beginning. It's fun to play superstition. And to make predictions.

But really. I have no idea when this baby will come. So when you ask, I'm not sure what to say. One day.

I do know that last week I was pleading with God to send me into labor because I was so miserable and sleep deprived. And this week I've slept all night and feel like I'm in my second trimester ((Almost. Kind of.)) I feel much better than last week, anyway. So what do I know. I know that He's got this. He knows when the exact perfect timing is. And that it will be. One day. Soon.

I know that I'm soaking up the sun, squeezing my babies a little tighter and working on being better at giving everyone around here a little more grace. I'm practicing.

I'm not supermom and I'm not in denial... Three 3 and under will be tough. But yo. I am tough. I'm just gonna need a little grace myself.

Our chain link countdown is pathetic.
Our bags are packed.
Our smiles are huge.
Our hearts are joyful.

Until Next Time,
The Guff

No Rush

No baby yet. For all of those types that keep asking when ::hello:: there's obviously not.
No baby name yet.  We've narrowed down. to about a hundred. 
No rush. We still have 9 days until the due date. 

Here's my 38 week picture, Mimi:

We are ready, and by ready, I mean SO EXCITED, over here! Of course we are. I keep thinking that if I don't think about it, I'll have a little more time. Like, contractions won't start if I'm not paying attention... or my water won't break if I'm not sitting around thinking about my water breaking. But you know, I'll probably be in the middle of Whole Foods planning a last minute weekend soiree when all amniotic fluid breaks loose. Wouldn't that be appropriate. I bet I wouldn't get out of there without someone trying to sell me a handmade pot to plant my placenta in. I'd probably buy it. I am a Marketers. Dream. And a sucker for ceramics.

If you wanna know how I'm waiting on this baby, this is it. I sit like this, on the couch, with something terribly delicious and gobble it up until there's nothing left. No, that's not a spot on your screen. That's jelly on my shirt. And two cookies in my hand. It's the only way to do things on the final countdown. 

I've been staying pretty involved, not shutting down just yet. Last night I ventured out and went to our new neighborhood's Neighborhood Watch Meeting. Wowza. Light years different from our old neighborhood. I walked in and was greeted by a familiar face... stepped to the side to wait for the meeting to start, and for real, If I'm lyin' I'm cryin', eleven women bull rushed over to me and were knocking outstretched hands together trying to be the first to introduce themselves to me. I felt like a prom queen. Or the last apple on the tree for the birds to peck at. I was surrounded in a semi-circle with dozens of questions and I was spinning my head answering two questions at a time and trying to get a question or two in myself. I got dizzy. It was awesome. The people here are so nice and so generous and really want to get to know our family. "Oh you should meet so-n-so, she stays home too, she's just two doors down from you and has an 18 month old. You'd love her!" and "Oh, you just let me know when that sweet baby gets here, I wanna help you any way I can. Ya hear?" and "My daughter babysits and we are just at the end of the culdesac. Please call anytime!" Overwhelming- but in the best way EVA. I love the 'burbs. We met a girl directly across the street who has already watched our kiddos for us, and she got Cham's approval... ... ... which, my friends, is not an easy feat. She is so amazingly opinionated and gets a little cynicism from her mama... So no complaints? That babysitter is hired. For life. 

 I say No Rush because, deep down in the pits of my soul, I know that the baby will come when it's ready. And I really am, in the pits of my deepest darkest places, OK with that. Really. But, you know, I'm good with surprises. Like :right now: would be great. After I get a nap :even better: 

Speaking of which, the kids only have about an hour left of nap time, so I better jump on that train. 

Will the next blog be a baby announcement? Let's take bets: No. 

Until Next Time, 

The Guff