Scattered and Smothered

Thursday morning Josephine slept in, so I thought I'd take advantage of the shifted naptime and let her play in a play group at Chamblee's school while I took my wild man on a breakfast date. Just the 2 of us.

I took him for his first smothered and covered at Waffle House. 

We were loving it. Watching KSU buses and Mighty Machines go by the window, (always construction over there now) telling him about how mommy and daddy went to school across the street. Watching him. Just watching his little eyelashes bat over and over again makes my day.  

And then it happened. 

This older woman sitting behind us started the conversation. 

I get it, we were probably asking for it. Snuggling over in the booth and giggling and being all loud. 

Having fun. 

"Is he your one and only?" 

-everyone's smiling-

"He's not! He's one of three. Right in between two girls." 

-i'm smiling, she's not-

"Oh. You will be so glad when they are grown and gone." 

-wait, what?- 

"Actually, I am so glad right. now." 

"Right. But they are so much fun when they are older." 

-here we go-

"Interesting, I think they are so much fun right. now. Every day." 

Crickets. A sarcastic smile stare off. Head tilt.

"Well you don't look old enough to have three kids." 

...and I guess she wins? I don't know. 

Ok, Ok. 

In hindsight:: I probably should have handled this way differently. 

So many things I want to go back and say to this woman. 

But mostly, I want to send her to her room without supper for talking that way in front of my son. 

"You'll be so glad when they are grown and gone"

I do not understand.  

I don't understand why you would say that to me, because the Lord and my husband know that it is not true. I want them to live with me forever and ever amen. 

That aside, does she think it is encouraging and uplifting for him to hear that about himself? 

"Your mom will be so happy when you (and your sisters) are gone."
Why do people think that it is ok to say these kinds of things? 

It's just untrue. And it's mean. And it's potentially damaging. Also, It's. RUDE. 

I might be overreacting, but I'm not. 

I don't think that I am the only mom who gets these horrible, rude comments. 

I write about them often, because honestly, they happen to me. A lot. 

And that is so. weird. But alright. Whatever.

And, more often than not, it's a quantity comment. 

About how I have so many kids. And my hands are so full. And are they all mine? 

See also: Elevator to Chamblee's ballet class this week. All the comments. Trapped. #LetMeOut

But a quality comment? Never.
I cannot wrap my head around this woman's words.
What a sad lady. Her poor children. 

I know I'm not the only mom who gets this garbage, and I don't think it's because I have 3. awesome. little. lovelies. on the bottom, middle and top of the buggy.
3 kids is really not a lot of kids. 

It's probably just because I have more than one. 

And it's probably because I look pretty happy about it. 

Because I am. 

Weeeee!

Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift?

    the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?

Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows

    are the children of a vigorous youth.

Oh, how blessed are you parents,

    with your quivers full of children!

Your enemies don’t stand a chance against you;

    you’ll sweep them right off your doorstep.

Psalm 127 3-5

There's some truth that I'm gonna say in front of my baby boy. 

Until Next Time, 

The Guff

Ain't Goin Down

We went to see Garth Brooks last night. 

I really wouldn't wanna go with anyone else, and it was the best time! 

I surprised K with tickets for his birthday, but we kept it a secret that his brother and sis in law were coming with us. 

They showed up at the door yesterday afternoon and it. was. awesome.

The four of us saw him together 4 years ago in Nashville, when Cham was just a little over 4 months old!

I should probably go ahead and tell you what happened. 
Because I'm sure there's a YouTube video of it out there, and I want to be the one to tell you.

Before the show, I went down a level to give a realquick hello to some beautiful friends of mine.
On the way back up, I heard the show starting, so I was trying to get back up top as quickly as possible. As efficiently as possible. Fast as I could. In a flash.

I couldn't find an up escalator. I just couldn't.
I didn't see stairs or an elevator.
There was only the down escalator.

How hard could it be?

I went for it. I ran up the escalator. The down one.
And I just kept running.
There was no progress once the initial burst of energy gave out.
The escalators at Phillips are twice as long as normal ones, in case you wanted to give this a try next time you're there. Don't.

I was running.
In place. 
With absolutely all of my might.

Then it happened. My legs gave out.
All the way. Noodles.

It never crossed my mind, not even once, that I could stop.
Ride down, find the up one. Miss the song.

Pride. Y'all, this. is what pride does to a woman.

So, I'm losing the battle.
And this sweet man sees me struggling.
He gets to the top of the escalator, reaches his hand out to me, and it glows like gold.
I gather the last of the fumes I'm (literally) running on and I reach for him, grab his hand and then. y'all. 
I fell. Sort of. 
I mean, he yanks me, hard, and I fall about three steps short of the top.
So he just dragged me the rest of the way.
How chivalrous. 

I've got escalator marks down my feet.
I think they are actually going to scar.
My knee is swollen.
My foot is blue.
Like the color.

But hey. I made it to the top.
And promptly had a panic attack.


Until Next Time,
The Guff

Pushing Buttons

I don't know how long I stood there, cursing the keys.

You know. At the wrong van.

It truly wasn't until I saw the mirror in front of the baby seat in this van and thought, "huh. that is not. my baby mirror."

Keep moving, Jacob. That is not our van.

I mean, how many black Honda Odysseys can there be in the Kohl's parking lot?
Well, three, actually. 
See also: someone subpoena the surveillance videos. I was losing. my mind.

You know when we finally found the right van, the doors were open. 

Did you think they would be closed? You're obnoxious. 

On top of not knowing the difference in my van and two others,
I don't know what kind of dirty dishes we are eating off of in my house.
I'm not asking. Just eating.

The dishwasher was full, I ran it. I unloaded it.

It wasn't until after the fact that I noticed that Jacob had pressed the 'rinse only' button.
The dishwasher is justtherightsize for button pushing.
Oops.

It's fall break around here. Initially I planned to head up to Princeton to visit my sister.
You know, a short drive in the car now that she's on the east coast.
But then, I realized that she had started a new blog and didn't tell me about it.
So, I booked our week with dentist appointments and dance class and playdates, so I could avoid her. Just keepin' it real. 

I had to find out she got a new blog address from our grandmother.
our. grandmother.
love you, mim. thanks for the head's up. 
this life.
therefore, I didn't go to princeton.

tomorrow we go to garth brooks.
I CAN'T WAIT to tell you all about it.

until next time,
the guff

Butterfingers

I can't even.

Today. Publix.

I always have Jake in a buggy because it's easier. for me. Today I thought I would give him a special treat and let him walk alongside me and Babyphine.
((Babyphine: What Jake calls sweet Baby Josephine))

I saw people staring at the checkout. I was honestly clueless.

I didn't think anything about the staring. I'm used to it.
Only, it's usually when I have all three. 

No, no, no. They weren't staring because I have a lot of children. This time.
They were staring because they had been watching something go down behind my back as I unloaded the milk and eggs on the belt.

I snapped around once and my jaw dropped. He was equally shocked to be caught so. red. handed.

Have you ever had to buy six candy bars at the checkout because your son took a bite right out of the wrapper?

If I had to pick one time to have a picture of his shenanigans, this would. be. it.
He stood, very still, with a fully wrapped almond joy in his mouth. Biting down. Hard.

I pulled it out of his mouth and scanned the wall of candy bars and noticed a few other butterfingers and cookies with bite marks. Some had ripped the paper, some just teeth marks. There was no hesitation.

I picked all of the ones that were undeniably chewed up and threw them on the belt.
I'm not gonna lie. When I tossed the butterfingers on there, crumbs spilled out.

I paid for them.
And hurried my self right on out of there.

If I can't have a picture of these candy bar shenanigans, I'll settle for a little "mom, i snuck in your make up drawer and put on your mascara" shenanigans.
Enjoy.

His curls. They're back. 

Thank the Lord Almighty, Hallelujah, Forever and Ever, Amen. 

Until Next Time, 

The Guff 

Brave

Have you ever had a slumber party with a four year old?
It is really something special.

It's kind of like a bachelorette party + a breakup party + a sweet dream:: you stay up late, eating lots of food, watching a movie and giggling until your gut hurts. You get to paint tiny nails, and, by request, have your toes be "twinsies" with blue sparkles. You get no sleep, because someone is kicking you. You get to snuggle with your nose up against the back of baby hair that smells like, well, a baby.
And then, you get to thank the Lord above for this life. This slumber party. This baby girl.
All. Night. Long.

Chamblee has been asking me to have a slumber party with her.
I've kind of been putting it off.
So, I like sleeping in the bed with my husband, sue me.

Last week I noticed that the movie Brave was going to be playing on TV, and I set it up to record.
And then Chamblee says, "Mom. We gotta plan that slumber party, remember?"
Yes, I remember.

So we planned it for Friday night.
We went to Target and bought popcorn and candy.
K blew up the air mattress.

We played games and painted nails and ate sugar, sugar, sugar.
We laughed and laughed.
I back scratched and hair played.
We talked about how much fun it would be when little baby Josephine could join us.
We watched Brave. I answered every question about every scene.
We snuggled and slept.

Had to wear her Brave t-shirt

Before you know it, girl. It'll be Three's Company on these girls' nights! 

can't. wait. 

Blue with sparkles? Never would have guessed.

 There is an enormous spot in this girl's heart for sour worms. Huge.

"Mom. Is it ok if I rest now? I'm getting so sleepy."

-9:40pm

If you haven't had a sleepover with a four year old, and you are a mom, grandmother or aunt of one- I recommend it. Otherwise, no. It'd be weird.


Until Next Time,
The Guff

Wild Man

You guys, I absolutely panicked.

Sometimes, I'll straighten Chamblee's hair the night before school. Just for fun. She likes to play with my makeup brushes and I'll sit her up on the counter and straighten her hair.

She likes how it makes her hair warm and cozy. I like the quiet chit chat.

Tonight, Jacob and Josephine were in the bathroom with us. I looked over at Jacob's wild man curls and thought, "Huh. I should straighten that and see how long his hair really is." So, with K at the store and a hot iron in my hands, I did it.

And then, like a ton of bricks, it hit me. As soon as I heard the camera click.

WHAT IF I JUST FRIED HIS BABY HAIR AND IT WILL NEVER CURL AGAIN?

Kraig will never forgive me. 

I snatched him up and laid him across the counter and soaked his head under the sink. 

He hollered. 

When I sat him back up, his hair was sticking straight out. Straight. 

So, I ran and got shampoo. Hurled him back under the faucet. 

Lather, lather, lather. 

Prayer, prayer, prayer. 

I can feel the tears start to sting in the corners of my eyes. 

I whiplashed him with a towel dry, and there they were. 

Wild man curls. They're back. 

And I'll never risk it again. 

But I got a picture. Yes. 

Until Next Time, 

The Guff