It's a Waz

I do not make this stuff up. 

I went outside to check the mail yesterday and it was the worst. Here's why.
You know when some kind of insect just buzzes by your face and you hear a loud BUZZ and then you FREAKOUTONETIME? You know when that happens? Ok. It happened to me as I was walking back into the front door. So I went completely. utterly. full fledge Banana Bucket Crazy.
Screaming. Shaking. Swatting.

I slammed my head into the door frame. Hard.
Like, seeing stars and tasting blood, hard.

I stumbled inside, closed the door and leaned against it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself a concussion.
I can already feel the knot on my forehead.
The headache.

I'm bending over because I'm thinking these could be my last moments.
My hair is all kindsa in need of a cut, but for now, it's eleven feet long. So I'm bending over, thinking this is the end, and also looking at my split ends, while I'm at it. What a way to go out. 

It's right. then. that I see it.
Dude. It's a wasp.
And it's stuck in my hair.

Screaming. Shaking. Swatting.

I manage to knock it out of my hair and onto the ground and stomp until It's seventeen thousand pieces on my hardwoods and my children are all crying because they are scared. Of me.

And all I want to know is, why? how?
I do not understand. But the thing is dead and I am not.
And, really, isn't that what counts? 

Until Next Time,
The Guff