Sue Me.

I should have known that as soon as K boarded a plane yesterday things would go banana buckets around here. We walked out the door at the same time- he was flying out to Arkansas and I was going on a mission to find my size in a pair of shoes that I had been pining over. For a whole 24 hours. I had a coupon. The kids were chill, so I decided to throw in a grocery trip and a few returns to the agenda. WRONG. 

By the time we got done with all my stuff and got to Publix for the necessary stuff, it was game. over. Everyone was screaming. Jacob was screaming because, well, he was pissed. And tired. And hungry. Chamblee was screaming "GIRL'S NIGHT!" Because I had promised mani/pedis and popsicles during her "piggie movie" once we got home.

Did I mention it had started raining? You know, the kind where you don't leave your house. The kind where you don't even open the front door to check it out. It's flippin' raining y'all. Who cares, I'm going for it. We don't have jackets or an umbrella, or food at the house. We have to go in. Jacob isn't wearing shoes. "This will be an adventure, right? They'll love it!" No. 

I went around to Cham's side first. The door opened and at first sight I thought I had left a window open and her pants were soaked from the rain. Then I remembered that she had pulled up her own pull-up at the last potty stop, which she doesn't do very well. [And by that I mean, at all.] So, she had an accident, and she might as well have been commando. I'm standing in the rain. I'm so smart. I do what all of y'all would have done. I packed up shop and went home. Siiike. I grabbed a baby blanket from the pile of junk I've been meaning to clean out of my van and wrapped it around her waist. like a sumo diaper. then I put her in the ergo. I toss the other little on my hip and make a run for it. 

We make it in. It's not long after I've started my normal route that I am stopped by a woman who doesn't speak English. She's motioning all crazy and I'm all like, "What? Do you see the pee? Yeah, I know. Sue me." But then I realize that she's pointing to the floor. Where my raspberries have busted open and have been making a little Hansel and Gretel trail- complete with boot prints where I have stepped on them along the way. Geez. 

I don't make this stuff up. The trail went all the way around to the salad mixes. 

I opt out of a full grocery trip, buy some chicken fingers from the deli for dinner and head to the check out. Stopping only once for ghirardelli chocolates. Because, you know, I deserved them. 

As we walked out to the van, the skies were blue and the sun was shining. The kids were happy and we sang the whole way home. I got them to bed and finished all of the laundry. It wasn't until some time later that I realized my zipper had been undone for who knows how long, and I had chocolate on my face from a party that afternoon. Or maybe it was from the ghirardelli chocolates. You know I ate them the whole way home. Sue me. 

Until Next Time, 

The Guff